broken but on the mend

i'm broken like a promise, shattered like a dream
broken, with all my pieces, scattered for you to see

i'm down on my knees, i hope i can stick this out
i'm begging you please...i'm sorry that i let you down

it's so hard to speak, i can barely look you in the eye
it's so hard to breath...but i know i ain't afraid to die

the world can really come down on you...especially when you think you're already at the bottom. it feels like things are coming from every side so fast that you can't possibly outrun anything. before you know it you are laid out in the open, helpless and open for the world to rip apart.

how easy to slip away and get gobbled up, how easy to just give up. funny thing about family is that they won't let you. they can reach across thousands of miles and pick you up. they don't have to be blood yet have the heart to reach out and take your hand, pulling you back to safety.

i heard today that joy only comes to you with sorrow. like a ying-n-yang thing it's the downs that even let you know there is an up. the challenges of just getting thru the day that give you hope, the hardships in life that give you the strength to keep going and a seed for you to dream.

thanks to my family...real, fake, blood and spiritual for getting me over this bump in the road.

split in the road

again the road splits before me
and again i must now decide

there is no road less taken
and there is no glimpse ahead

right is the way i was heading
and right seems to be the same

left is veering away from here
and left seems to be unsure

where is my life taking me
and where do i want to take my life

surely i should take time to ponder
and surely i'd make the right choice

time will not wait for me however
and time is pushing me ahead

so without hesitating i walk on
and so fate will lead me again

after the rain

vic drove chantal to school this morning on his way downtown to help "PAWS-LA" move, it was cool and cloudy but no rain. the wind crancked last night but we really didn't end up getting lots of rain. the cover of our sun canopy was pretty shredded and scattered all over the front yard...at least summer is over.

finished chores early and decided to take the boys for a ride. jr was pouting by the car all morning so i didn't have much choice. i was going to go into town but just decided to take them down to the "y" and back. that still ends up being over a four mile run for him.

now i know the car driver window has been acting up but i opened it anyway...fool. when i got back to the house i tried messing with the stupid control but only ended up getting the driver back window to stop working at all. it was getting late so i gave up and taped plastic over the window cause it was raining down in the valley and i was working in glendale today...so getto.

picked up the shredded canopy, got ready for work and headed out. so the plastic window worked pretty good down to the road and about the first 5 miles on the freeway before it blew off...which was better anyway cause the noise was making me crazy. did i mention the car battery was low too this morning and i almost thought it wasn't gonna start...and i got to work in the glendale store, yahoo what a cruddy morning!

the day did get better i had a sewing machine class was with two nice ladies and i sold a machine...and the ride home wasn't too cold. when i got home vic was in bed and chantal was asleep so i grabbed some leftovers, watched "heroes" and "top chef" and came out to room. i guess i should get to bed so that's it.

till later...

rainy day on the mountain

i guess i should be tired, i was earlier but my second wind kicked in and i guess i'm up till bedtime. woke up in the denny's parking lot off and on all night till it was really seeming to be too chilly. it was 4am so i decided the old jeep had enough rest and i would head home. it wasn't too bad, i took it easy and the transmission only gave me slight problems. i was most worried about hitting the 15 and coming up the cajon pass but i eased up the hill slowly and it went fine.

got home just after 7am and would have loved a nap but our conference call for work is at 8, so i just laid down and played with the cat and dog. of course it was a long call and i think i dozed off at the end, but we get printed notes so i'll get caught up when i go in to work tomorrow.

the jeep is still under warranty so after i did chores, i headed to the shop in the valley. i try to buy local for the most part but we still keep our mechanic fron the valley days because he knows us, we trust him...and he lets me make payments! the tranny guy is another guy, but it's a buddy of his, so... dropped her off just before 11am and chantal came from school and picked me up a little befor noon. on the way home we talked about chris and derek's visit, my night of "fun", her film shoot last night and how we can get her mom to move out here.

when i got home i thought i would take a nap but we got on line checking out some friends facebook sites (just search for "goat dude" to find me) and i started some computer work before i remembered i really wanted to get some barn work done. it was poring rain in the valley and canyon country but just starting here when i headed out. i love when it rains here, the dust washes off everything at the colors seem to pop!...so i went out to the barn, the wind was pretty cold so i decide to start with a little winterizing and covered up the east side windows and vents. of course trying to do anything when duke wants his head scratched every five minutes is hard but i did get something done. inside i got about six coops cleaned before my friend sandy called. she got promoted to palmdale manager...i wanted the job, and was offered it, but she's closer and needs the full time, so "se la vie". better things are around the corner for me anyway. after the chatting and more duke head scratching i decided i'd had enough and decided to come in and finish my computer work...now blogging isn't really what i'm supposed to be working on but rainy days are for goofin' off anyway!

till later...

stuck in 29 palms

10pm and here i am in denny's killing time in hopes that my jeep only needs a rest and will be back to normal...at least normal enough to get me back home.

day to day has been hecktic with managing my glendal viking store and filling in as the manager of the palmdale store. that ends today as i think they are making my friend sandy the palmdale manager. i had wanted that store, but she needs the full time and it's closer for her, being a single mom.

last month was crazy too because we were trying to doll up our new church building for opening day. i was working the store and driving up to palmdale till i was too tired to stand and then back home, and repeat. the late nights are over but i still have projects to work on in the building when i get free time...whatever that is!

as for the ranch...seems like i barely have time in the barn. was supposed to enter chickens on the antelope valley fair last month but never had time to get them in shape, so i passed this year.

the barn is such a mess and i really need a day to clean coops and move-n-sort birds. i have too many roosters and really want to cut down on a few breeds, just need to find an auction to sell stuff. mi need to do it quick because i think duke-e was busy and i'm sure boo and doe-dee are pregnant (probably due next month). i hope delilah and annie aren't pregnant too but it is a possibility. i had a dream last week that they all gave birth the same day and annie had triplets! i need another 9 goats like i need a hole in my head! at least that would get me to sell some off. i'd like to sell off half my birds (i do have almost 200)so i'll be able to buy goat food!

well that's a good ramble so i better sign off and find something else to do...probably go out and take a nap so i'm not so tired when i hit the road.

till next time...