walking away...

for so many years i can't count i have been trying to get my dad to move out here to california. last year he finally got tired of the snow and caved in...sold a little bit of land and we started house hunting. last february we thought we found "the one", put an offer, but lost it...booo-hoo.
i lagged hunting most of last year except for a few auctions with no success...till last week, dad jump started me (it was -2 degrees back in ny that day) and i checked out a few places our agent sent. they were mostly bombs (as ususal) but one had potential...after another visit i decide it would work, and with butterflies in my stomach put in an offer on a place so far out on avenue J that i thought i was going to be in canada! ok, so it's only 30 minutes from work at the church but the drive is miles and miles of nothing. there is a small "town center" only 15 minutes away...littlerock.
so i should be excited right? not. i told vic my roomate of 23 years what was up, he did not take it well. he knows i've been taking about house hunting but he also knows smiths do a lot of daydream talking. he wasn't mad, but upset as he just got to like living at the ranch...but so have i. lancaster is too far away from the san fernando valley for him, it might as well be canada! everything/one he knows is in santa clarita or san fernando where as i've come to make antelope valley my go to area. so... he will not be moving with me and probably look for a room or apartment he can afford on his limited income (aren't we all in that space).
i couldn't sleep last night and on my walk with the dogs this morning i kept thinking how much i was going to miss the mountains. i think i make a better mountain man than desert rat. and walking thru the house i kept thinking who knows what is who's? after 23 years all our stuff has become just "home". i kept thinking how comfortable i am surrounded by all the funky stuff vic collects, and how much we like bringing home little treasures for each other, and how much we lean on each other...
who knows if the offer will go thru (we are on a small, small budget or we'd buy closer to the ranch) but one thing i know any excitement i have will be tarnished with sadness as i walk away from the ranch...our home.